Oh friends, I don’t know what to say… Updating has seemed a task daunting and impossible as our girl lay in her bed at Cottage intermittently crying out in pain, sleeping, and dreamily remarking about the shadows of the birds on the wall.
January 13th marked one month in the hospital. She received two weeks of chemo within a couple of days of going in with abdominal pain and finding two new tumors. She came home for three nights after that and went back in with severe dehydration. The chemo had a much more radical effect on her showing how fragile she really is. We are awaiting her guts to heal and her body to retain nourishment. Needless to say we are devastated. We had hoped our journey across the world would have cured our baby but it is not so.
We are discussing a few options with our doctor, none of which we can make a decision on until we peek inside Daisy’s belly again to see how it responded. Until then we wait and pray and hope. And as our hearts are ripped out and our very insides sear with pain, the principles of life haven’t changed. Parenthood, no, being human, is still an opportunity to love. Every time I rub Daisy’s swollen feet, cool her burning once again bald head, every time I listen to her speak tiny words in the dark of the night or wash more soiled bedclothes, my opportunity remains. To love. This month is not a month I expected, not a month I wish upon any mama… Yet my opportunities to love her abound, and it’s my pleasure to serve her in all the deep pain. I don’t know what the future brings. Today we were able to leave the hospital and continue her care at home, but we need a miracle, more than ever before. While we yet remain, we choose to enjoy our girl because she is incredibly enjoyable.
Please pray for us as we make agonizing decisions never intended for parents to make. Pray for a miracle. Pray for relief of our girl’s physical pain. And pray for stamina for the rest of us to go forward in strength and courage.
Daisy is as courageous as ever, full of grace and maturity as she voices her needs without ever whining or being rude. She once again is saving her downy hair for the birds by our house, hoping as they have spring babies they can enjoy her softness.
One last thought, as a parent and as a human being; opportunities to love surround us. When we take those opportunities time seems to stop, and in that timelessness is where memories are made and beauty is beheld. We will never regret rising to the occasion. I believe it has something to do with the fact that God is love and we are made in His image. Suffering isn’t what we are made for, but it can be fruitful in ways we could never imagine.
We love because He first loved us.
I appreciate the ways so many of you have loved and served us through the shadows, prayer, dinner, financial help for treatments, letters, teddy bears. You have helped ease our suffering in many ways.
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